Let’s Email the Aliens!

Who believes that you can send an email off to the UFO aliens? Obviously somebody does, because I came across this keyword search in my analytics: “emailing aliens for abduction.”

Why on Earth would they search for information on how to email aliens for abduction? Were they looking to get abducted by aliens? Were they hoping to shoot an email off into space, “Here I am, you cute little big-eyed aliens… come and get me!”

Maybe they believe that the aliens are here on Earth, all set up with a website, just waiting to communicate. I see a lot of weird keyword searches in my analytics, maybe because I write about weird topics. But seriously? Emailing an alien for abduction? That’s definitely one of the weirdos!

“Ancient aliens shrunken heads” was another one they found me with. Sooo… either they were looking for proof that ancient aliens shrunk human heads, or they were looking to buy the shrunken heads of aliens. Okay, I can see the logic in that, shrunken alien heads for Halloween. Yes, I can visualize that.

But what about “loud scalps?” I kid you not, somebody found my other blog by searching for “loud scalps.” I suppose if I were getting scalped, I’d be hollering pretty loud. Whether loud scalps was related to ancient aliens and shrunken heads, I don’t know, but it does suggest a theme.

Weird alien topics aren’t the only subject people find me with. I get a lot of searches on hookworm related topics, because I wrote a pretty detailed post about the dangers of hookworms in dogs, so questions on whether hookworms can kill a dog are common search subjects. (Yes, they can, by the way.) But this keyword search was another baffler: “What can you put on your yarn to kill hookworms?”

I don’t even know how to address that question. Did their crochet hook sprout a little worm or something? Can anybody even venture a guess?

As for emailing an extraterrestrial alien, I can’t email one for you, but if they abduct me again, I’ll make sure to tell them you said hello!

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